I'm writing a blog. I'm already in the same level of awesomeness.
Barnabus, the Barnicle, Barney AND Larney. This character represents male ego on steroids (redundant, I know). How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM from now on) is this generation's Friends, there I said it. If you don't believe me, then you probably never watched Friends, or HIMYM, in which case, you will thank me after reading this, because I will secretly coerce you to begin watching this show. It's on Netflix, by the way, or you could watch it for free at cbs.com. No, they're not paying me. Yes, I will look into it.
This is the man that brought back blogging, suits, videos of dogs poopin' on babies. He also marketed the 'Bro Code' the most important document in MANkind. He invented 'The Playbook', the player's bible. He cannot take a bad picture. He has a video resume, which I will work on myself soon. But most importantly, he loves his mother and his gay black brother more than anything else.
So what is Barney? Barney is what every man is, and wished to be all in one person. You all want to be awesome, I already achieved that, but we want to be awesome in a legendary fashion. That's where Barney becomes a bro beacon, nay, a Breacon*, for us lost souls wondering in the sea of ordinary, to follow.
Here's what happened to me one time, true story. One day I was lost. I was aboard the Titanic. I had just spent an incredible night with a chubby actress with sweaty hands on a very old car with a funny horn. The Captain asked me for my advice on charting a course. I told him to go to the Caribbean, where one of my friends owned a Sandals resort. He said 'nonsense' and ignored my advice. So I went back on the 'A' deck to sign autographs and inspire young children. I took a break and looked to the horizon, when I saw a light. I stole a life boat with a few awesome adventurers that joined me and began rowing towards the light. It was the Breacon*. When I arrived on shore, Barney was there waiting for me on the beach, next to the man that was going to be my personal butler at Sandals, Evian. He looked at me in the eyes, and said 'turn around and see' I did, and saw the Titanic sinking while James Cameron filmed it from a helicopter. And that's how being awesome saved my life, and I've never looked back since.
So who is Barney again? He's all of us. Well, maybe not you, but you could be him one day if you continue reading my blog. Just wake up every morning and know that your mission is to grace the world with your presence. Look in the mirror and say 'God, you're beautiful'. You are what you eat so never forget to eat 'awesome'. If you think it's impossible, just look at me. I was able to do it, and if I was able to do it, only a handful of men can do it, and most of them are dead already. But you can still try. There's no shame in trying.
And to all of you reading this blog today, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart. You're Welcome.
* I invented the word Breacon, true story.
Barnabus, the Barnicle, Barney AND Larney. This character represents male ego on steroids (redundant, I know). How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM from now on) is this generation's Friends, there I said it. If you don't believe me, then you probably never watched Friends, or HIMYM, in which case, you will thank me after reading this, because I will secretly coerce you to begin watching this show. It's on Netflix, by the way, or you could watch it for free at cbs.com. No, they're not paying me. Yes, I will look into it.
So what is Barney? Barney is what every man is, and wished to be all in one person. You all want to be awesome, I already achieved that, but we want to be awesome in a legendary fashion. That's where Barney becomes a bro beacon, nay, a Breacon*, for us lost souls wondering in the sea of ordinary, to follow.
Here's what happened to me one time, true story. One day I was lost. I was aboard the Titanic. I had just spent an incredible night with a chubby actress with sweaty hands on a very old car with a funny horn. The Captain asked me for my advice on charting a course. I told him to go to the Caribbean, where one of my friends owned a Sandals resort. He said 'nonsense' and ignored my advice. So I went back on the 'A' deck to sign autographs and inspire young children. I took a break and looked to the horizon, when I saw a light. I stole a life boat with a few awesome adventurers that joined me and began rowing towards the light. It was the Breacon*. When I arrived on shore, Barney was there waiting for me on the beach, next to the man that was going to be my personal butler at Sandals, Evian. He looked at me in the eyes, and said 'turn around and see' I did, and saw the Titanic sinking while James Cameron filmed it from a helicopter. And that's how being awesome saved my life, and I've never looked back since.
So who is Barney again? He's all of us. Well, maybe not you, but you could be him one day if you continue reading my blog. Just wake up every morning and know that your mission is to grace the world with your presence. Look in the mirror and say 'God, you're beautiful'. You are what you eat so never forget to eat 'awesome'. If you think it's impossible, just look at me. I was able to do it, and if I was able to do it, only a handful of men can do it, and most of them are dead already. But you can still try. There's no shame in trying.
And to all of you reading this blog today, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart. You're Welcome.
* I invented the word Breacon, true story.
Comments
Post a Comment