It's 2014 and I feel like I'm wise, and why is that? Well just read my little pearls of wisdom that I've come up with in my 28 years on this 3rd rock from the sun. Some of them rhyme, and we know that if it rhymes, it must be true.
Fart between sets, not between reps.
Sip water throughout the day instead of chugging it.
Take naps whenever you can.
It is impossible to figure out which letter comes next alphabetically without singing the "abc" in your head, every single time.
You'll never look dumber than when reading a paragraph out loud.
I haven't met many self-taught sky divers.
There's no real strategy when it comes to bowling.
When I was young there were no hipsters, just nerds without filters on their cameras.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
There's no such thing as democrats vs republicans anymore, it's those in power vs those who are not.
Baseball would be more fun if everyone did steroids.
Every man loves girly songs, alone, inside their locked car that has tinted windows.
If you don't take a picture of your food it tastes just the same.
If a man speaks in a forest and there's no woman around to correct him, he is still wrong.
In her song, Beyonce means her left, not yours.
Do not "put your hands up in the air and wave them around like you just don't care", a better sign of apathy is to cross your arms, that's just common sense.
Girls who know for sure that are not like most girls, don't go around advertising it.
As awesome as "24" was, CTU really sucked at background checks.
The TSA is completely useless, I've snuck in enough shampoo that could wash Polamalu's hair for a decade.
Most sayings that are well known by everyone, come from the bible, check it out.
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